Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized
tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted
to people simply because they’ve asked for it!
Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or
time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in
order to make their dreams come true.
They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless,
or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of
rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are
afraid to hear the word no, they’re already saying it to
themselves by not asking!
Do you ask for what you want? Are you afraid of rejection?
Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really
no such thing as rejection! You’re not any worse off by
hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn’t have
what you asked for before you asked and you still don’t, so
what did you lose?
Being rejected doesn’t hold you back from anything. Only YOU
hold yourself back. If you are told no, ask for what you’d
have to do to get it, or ask again at another time when the
circumstances have changed.
Ask if they know someone else who might say yes. When you
realize that there’s no merit to rejection, you’ll feel more
comfortable asking for things. But you may need a bit of
help learning how to ask for what you want.
First, ask as though you expect to get it.
Be confident in your request coming from a perspective that
there’s no reason why you wouldn’t get it. Or they say no,
you can ask them why, or what you would need to do to get a
yes. You might need to form a better business plan before
you will get a loan.
You might need to take a course in computers before you will
get a promotion. You might need to spend more quality time
with your family before you will get the loving support you
need. By getting this feedback you are able to make
adjustments and ask again with better chances of getting a
Second, assume you can get what you want if you only ask for
it. You want a window seat? Assume all you have to do is ask
for it. You want an ocean view? Cheaper tickets? A
scholarship? A better deal? Just ask for it as if that’s all
you have to do to get it.
And finally, be specific about what you want or need. Do you
want to make $5,000 more a year? Then don’t just ask for a
raise. Ask for $5,000 more a year. Vague request produce
vague results. Don’t just ask for more time with your
spouse, ask for a date on Friday night. Don’t ask for help
on a project, ask for what you want that person to take care
Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to
ask will make a world of difference for you as you work
toward your goals. Practice asking and you’ll get very good
at it! You’ll even speed your progress by getting what you
need, or improving yourself in order to get it later.
Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your
life, then start asking!
by Jack Canfield